Hurdles

First Hurdle: Limited Academic Recommendations

My present academic journey began in Fall 2009 (yes, 12 years ago), when I enrolled as a non-degree seeking student in my department. My previous graduate school route had been rather non-traditional. It makes me feel better to remember that I didn’t get admitted to the PhD until Spring 2012 so I haven’t quite been a doctoral student for 12 years, just 10. When I first decided to apply, I hadn’t taken a traditional academic path and while I could get great professional references, that didn’t help with academic recommendations needed for a doctoral program.

Hell, let’s go back further to my first doctoral application process. As an undergrad, I had done exactly one summer research experience, in Marine Biology…and I hated it. I think I’ll save the details for another blog but the summary is that I made the mistake that many students do; I didn’t that my research mentor could write a favorable recommendation and apparently his recommendation was questionable enough that at least one program I applied to had me come in for a second interview. Thankfully, one of the programs I applied to shared the source of their concerns being his mediocre recommendation.

After the I left that first program ( I really didn’t like bench work), my academic path took me to Information Technology; Measurement, Statistics and Evaluation; and back to Information Technology. After a grad certificate and a Masters, I landed at Public Policy.

Hurdle: Not admitted

Coming from a STEM background, I guess my department wanted to see more before taking a chance on me as a doctoral student. I also knew I needed faculty recommendations and the nontraditional, applied and online nature of my first masters didn’t give me a good example to show that I was ready for the doctoral program. That, or I didn’t adequately show them through my application.

I decided that I didn’t want a second masters (earned one anyway). I was admitted to the PhD program in Spring 2012. When I finish in Fall 2022, it will have taken just over 10 years. The plan was simple. Take courses towards the Masters, and then seek recommendations from faculty in those courses to reapply to the doctoral program. Mission accomplished.

Hurdle: Failed Comprehensive Exams

In most instances, I know myself pretty well. In my second foray into earning a PhD, I was encouraged to take my comprehensive exams before I felt I was ready to take them. This was in a program where comps consisted of 2 questions around each of the three main content areas, answered over 6 hours, in as many blue books as you could fill. It was high stakes because it was closed book, no notes, and you had 2 opportunities to pass. I failed all three sections the first time, having taken the exam when I knew in my gut that I wasn’t ready, wasting a “try”. Second time, I failed one of the three sections. I now realize that I likely could have appealed as it’s not in a programs best interest for students to fail. I note also know that I have ADHD and it’s a miracle that unmedicated, undiagnosed Corris passed even 2 sections.

Fast forward to my current program and I repeated history. This time, the format was 2 questions each requiring a 10 page response. The questions were released on Friday at 5pm with responses due on Monday at 5pm. Failed both questions. BUT, this failure was the spring board to my ADHD diagnosis. After getting diagnosed and the right medication regiment, the second sitting went way better and I passed.

Hurdle: Faculty changes

It’s a bit of a chicken and egg situation. I’ve been in my program so long that I’m on my fourth chair. The first chair left for a department chair position, the second retired, and the third moved. Admittedly, the first 3 were tentative because I wasn’t in dissertation status yet, but there was a small window between numbers 2 and 3 that there was no eligible faculty member to serve in my track. Luckily, the 3rd was able to stay on my committee and the current has assured me they don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.

What I’ve learned

1. Listen to your gut. I know it’s sometimes hard to distinguish between imposter syndrome and legitimately being unprepared. But practice and experience help to suss out what you legitimately know and what you don’t.
2. In a previous post – Failure is an option, I noted the value of failure, and the earlier the better. I stand by that. Failure is how I identify what needs to be tweaked for future success.
3. Some delays are being your control but things happen in the timeline they are meant to. A classmate of mine who has had a similar timeline reminds me that we are better for the experience. I’ve seen the department change and grow but have my past guidance to draw on for the future.